Initiating and Maintaining Conversation

Understand the Importance of Conversations

• Purpose of Conversations: Recognise that conversations are a way to connect with others, exchange ideas, and form relationships. It's okay if you're not always perfect—conversations are a skill that improves with practice.

• Goals of Conversations: Conversations can be used for many purposes, such as building rapport, sharing information, or simply enjoying someone's company. Knowing the purpose can help you focus on the most relevant parts of the conversation.

Prepare for Social Interactions

• Think Ahead: Before going into a social situation, try to think about possible topics you can talk about. This could be recent news, mutual interests, or things you've noticed about the other person (like something they are wearing or their hobbies).

• Plan Conversation Starters: Prepare a few neutral and easy-to-start conversation starters, like:

  • “How was your weekend?”

  • “Have you watched any good films recently?”

  • “What are you working on these days?”

  • “I saw something interesting today, did you know…?”

• Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that conversations don’t always need to be long or deep. Sometimes small talk or brief interactions are enough.

Practice Active Listening

• Focus on the Speaker: Give your full attention to the person you're talking to. This helps you understand their thoughts and feelings and keeps the conversation on track.

• Show Interest: Use body language to show you're engaged, like nodding, making eye contact, or using short verbal acknowledgments such as "I see" or "That’s interesting."

• Listen for Cues: Pay attention to the other person's emotions and reactions. Are they excited about a topic? Do they seem uninterested? This can guide you in adjusting the conversation.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

• Encourage Responses: Try to ask questions that require more than just a “yes” or “no” answer. For example:

  • “What do you like to do in your free time?”

  • “How did that experience make you feel?”

  • “What’s been the best part of your week?”

• Use Follow-Up Questions: After someone answers a question, ask them to elaborate. For example:

  • “That sounds fun, tell me more!”

  • “What was your favorite part about that?”

• Keep It Light: Start with topics that are easy for most people to talk about, such as hobbies, movies, or current events.

Practice Conversation Flow

• Share Your Thoughts Too: Conversations are a two-way exchange, so don’t be afraid to contribute your own experiences, thoughts, or feelings. Balance the conversation by sharing things about yourself, too.

• Avoid Overloading the Other Person: When speaking about something you're passionate about, make sure to give the other person space to talk as well.

• Watch for Pauses: If there’s a lull in the conversation, you can use it as an opportunity to introduce a new topic or ask more questions.

Use Social Cues to Keep the Conversation Going

• Observe Body Language: Watch for signs that the other person is interested, such as leaning forward, maintaining eye contact, or smiling. If these signs are present, it’s a good time to continue the conversation.

• Identify Signs of Disinterest: If someone starts to look away, stop responding, or seems distracted, it might mean they’re not interested in the topic. You can switch topics by asking about something else or checking in with them, like “Is this something you like talking about?”

• Maintain Positive Body Language: Keep your posture open and relaxed, and try to make comfortable eye contact. This helps create a welcoming and friendly atmosphere.

Use Structured Conversation Tools or Techniques

• Scripts and Templates: If you're not sure how to approach a conversation, it can help to use scripts or templates. For example:

  • Greeting: "Hi, how are you today?"

  • Small Talk: “I noticed you’re reading a book. What’s it about?”

  • Closing: “It was nice talking to you. Let’s catch up again soon!”

• Conversational Tools: Some people with autism find using structured frameworks helpful. For example, the “COAST” method (Context, Observation, Action, Solution, and Timing) helps organise thoughts and structure what to say in a conversation.

Practice Social Skills with a Trusted Person

• Role-Playing: Practice starting and maintaining conversations with a friend or family member. They can help simulate different scenarios, such as talking with someone you don’t know well or discussing a topic you’re unsure about.

• Feedback: Ask for constructive feedback after practicing. What worked well? What could be improved? This can help you refine your skills.

• Use Social Skills Groups: Look for social skills training groups in your area, which are often offered by therapists. These groups can provide structured practice in a safe and supportive environment.

Take Breaks When Needed

• Know Your Limits: It’s okay to take a break during conversations if you start feeling overwhelmed. You can politely say, "Excuse me for a moment, I need a quick break" or "I need to recharge a bit."

• Relaxation Techniques: Learn relaxation strategies like deep breathing or grounding exercises to calm yourself when you feel stressed during a conversation.

Be Kind to Yourself

• Celebrate Small Wins: Each conversation you initiate or maintain is a step forward. Celebrate the progress you make, no matter how small.

• Accept Imperfection: Remember that no one is perfect at conversations, and it’s okay if things don’t go as planned. If you struggle, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed—it’s just an opportunity to try again next time.

• Practice Patience: Be patient with yourself. Social skills take time to develop and improve, so don’t be discouraged if it takes longer than expected.

Seek Professional Support if Needed

• Therapy or Counseling: A therapist can help you work through social anxiety or other issues that may be affecting your conversations. Cognitive behavioural Therapy (CBT) or other therapies can teach strategies to manage anxiety and improve communication.

• Social Skills Groups: These groups are designed to help individuals practice initiating and maintaining conversations in a structured, supportive setting. They offer guided practice with feedback, which can be especially helpful.

Final Thought

Improving your conversation skills is a gradual process, and it’s okay to take things step by step. By preparing ahead of time, practicing regularly, and being patient with yourself, you'll become more confident in initiating and maintaining conversations over time. The more you practice, the easier it will become!