Navigating Situations When Someone is Upset

Stay Calm

When someone is upset, it’s important for you to remain calm, as your own emotions can impact the situation. Here’s how to stay calm:

• Take deep breaths: Inhale deeply through your nose and exhale through your mouth slowly to calm your nervous system.

• Create a space: If possible, try to put some physical distance between you and the person to help manage your anxiety, but stay nearby to show that you're available to help.

It’s okay to take a moment to center yourself before you approach the person.

Listen Actively

Being a good listener is key when supporting someone who is upset. Listening actively means you are focusing entirely on the person and understanding their feelings.

• Give them space to talk: Let the person express themselves without interrupting them. Even if you don’t fully understand their emotions, giving them time to talk shows you care.

• Use body language: Nod, make eye contact (if comfortable), and lean slightly toward them to show you are present and paying attention.

• Avoid distractions: Try to avoid looking at your phone or anything else that could make the person feel like you aren’t fully engaged.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

Let the person know that you understand they are upset. This can help them feel validated and heard.

• Use empathetic statements: “I can see you're upset,” or “It sounds like this is really hard for you.”

• Avoid minimising their feelings: Even if you don’t fully understand why they’re upset, avoid statements like, “It’s not a big deal” or “You shouldn’t feel like that.” Instead, focus on the emotion they're experiencing.

Ask How You Can Help

Once the person has expressed themselves, ask them how you can help. This shows that you are willing to support them in a way that is meaningful to them.

• Be specific: You might ask, “Would you like to talk more about it?” or “Is there something specific you need from me right now?”

• Respect their space: If the person says they need time alone, respect that request, but let them know you’re available if they want to talk later.

Offer Reassurance and Comfort

Sometimes, when people are upset, they need reassurance and comfort to help calm down.

• Offer comforting words: You could say something like, “I’m here for you,” or “You’re not alone in this.”

• Physical comfort (if they want it): If the person is okay with it, a hug or holding their hand may be comforting. If you’re unsure, ask them, “Would you like a hug, or would you prefer some space?”

• Provide a safe environment: If the person is overwhelmed, try to move them to a quieter, less stressful place if possible. A calm, quiet environment can help them feel more at ease.

Be Patient

People who are upset may need time to process their emotions, so be patient. Avoid rushing them or telling them to “calm down,” as this can invalidate their feelings.

• Give them time: Don’t expect the person to feel better immediately. Let them process their emotions at their own pace.

• Offer continuous support: Stay with them, if needed, and check in periodically to see if they are okay.

Help Them Find a Solution (If They’re Ready)

Once the person has calmed down a bit and is ready to talk about solutions, you can help them think through how to handle the situation that upset them.

• Ask guiding questions: “Is there something specific we can do to make this better?” or “What do you think would help you feel better right now?”

• Offer options, not solutions: Sometimes, offering different options can help someone feel more in control of the situation. For example, “Would you like to talk about what happened, or would you prefer to do something relaxing for a bit?”

Respect Boundaries

If at any point the person requests space or says they need to be alone, respect their wishes. It’s important to give them the time they need to process their emotions without feeling overwhelmed.

• Let them know you're there: If they want space, you could say, “I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.”

• Give them physical space: Move away or give them room to breathe. Some people need alone time to calm down, and respecting their boundaries helps build trust.

Follow Up Later

After some time has passed, check in with the person to show that you still care and are thinking about them.

• Offer a simple check-in: You could say, “I just wanted to check in and see how you're feeling now” or “I’m here if you want to talk more later.”

• Offer additional support: If the person continues to feel upset, gently ask if they want to talk again or need anything else.

Take Care of Yourself

Supporting someone when they are upset can be emotionally tough. Remember that it’s important to care for your own well-being too.

• Take breaks: After helping, take some time for yourself to relax and recharge.

• Practice self-care: Engage in activities that help you manage your anxiety and maintain your emotional balance, like deep breathing, mindfulness, or taking a walk.

Additional Advice

• Don’t take it personally: Sometimes, people who are upset might express their frustration or anger in ways that aren’t about you. Try not to take it personally and remain patient.

• Be flexible: People may want different kinds of support. Some might want to talk, while others may prefer silence or physical comfort. Be flexible and responsive to their needs.

• Check in on your comfort levels: If you are feeling too overwhelmed or anxious, it’s okay to let the person know that you need a moment. Offering a simple, “I’m here for you, but I need to take a quick break” can still show support while managing your own needs.

Final Thoughts

By following these steps, you can provide emotional support to someone who is upset in a compassionate and thoughtful way, while also managing your own needs. It’s okay to take small steps and do what feels most comfortable for you, and remember, every person’s emotional needs are different.