Practicing Small Talk in Conversation

Understand the Purpose of Small Talk

Small talk is a way to:

• Start conversations.

• Build rapport and make connections.

• Create a comfortable atmosphere before moving to deeper topics.

It’s not about saying the “perfect” thing but showing interest in the other person and keeping the conversation flowing.

Prepare Conversation Starters

Having a mental list of topics can make starting conversations easier.

Common Small Talk Topics:

• Weather: "It’s so sunny today—did you get a chance to enjoy it?"

• Current Events: "Did you hear about the new park opening in town?"

• Shared Experiences: "How’s your morning going so far?"

Topics to Avoid:

• Controversial subjects like politics or religion.

• Overly personal questions unless you know the person well.

Practical Exercise:

• Write down 3–5 go-to conversation starters and practice saying them out loud.

Use Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions encourage more detailed responses and keep the conversation going.

Examples:

Instead of "Did you have a good weekend?" try:

• "What did you do over the weekend?"

Instead of "Do you like your job?" try:

• "What do you enjoy most about your job?"

Practice:

• Practice rephrasing yes/no questions into open-ended ones.

Practice Active Listening

Active listening shows the other person you’re engaged and interested.

How to Practice Active Listening:

1. Make Eye Contact: If it feels uncomfortable, look at their nose or forehead instead.

2. Nod or Use Small Verbal Cues: Say things like "I see," "That’s interesting," or "Wow."

3. Reflect Back: Paraphrase what they said to show you understood.

• Example: If they say, "I went to the seaside," you could reply, "That sounds fun—what did you enjoy most about it?"

Practice Exercise:

• Watch an interview or podcast and practice reflecting on what the speaker says.

Learn to Recognise and Use Social Cues

Social cues can help you navigate conversations more effectively.

Common Cues to Watch For:

• Smiles, nods, or relaxed body language mean the person is engaged.

• Checking their watch, avoiding eye contact, or giving short answers may mean they’re losing interest or busy.

How to Respond:

• If they seem interested, continue the conversation.

• If they seem distracted, politely wrap up.

  • Example: "It was nice chatting with you—I’ll let you get back to your day."

Practice Turn-Taking

Conversations are a two-way exchange.

How to Practice:

Balance Talking and Listening: Share something, then give the other person a chance to respond.

• Example: "I really enjoy reading mysteries. Do you have a favorite book genre?"

Pause to Give Space: After asking a question, pause and let them answer fully.

Use Compliments and Positive Comments

Compliments can be a great way to start or enhance a conversation.

Examples:

• "That’s a lovely scarf—where did you get it?"

• "I like your idea about [specific topic]; it’s really interesting."

Practice:

• Practice giving genuine, specific compliments to friends or family.

End Conversations Politely

Ending a conversation gracefully is just as important as starting one.

How to Wrap Up:

• Use a polite exit phrase:

  • "It was great talking to you—have a lovely day!"

  • "I’ve got to head out now, but it was nice chatting with you."

• If appropriate, suggest reconnecting:

  • "Let’s catch up again soon—maybe over coffee?"

Build Confidence Through Practice

The more you practice small talk, the more comfortable it will feel over time.

Ways to Practice:

Role-Play: Practice with a trusted friend, family member, or support worker.

Low-Stakes Environments:

• Talk to shop assistants: "How’s your day going?"

• Chat with colleagues: "Did you watch anything good on TV last night?"

Apps for Practice:

• Conversation AI Chat Apps: Practice forming questions with chatbots.

• Social Skills Apps: Apps like MagnusCards offer guides for navigating conversations.

Seek Feedback and Support

Feedback can help you refine your small talk skills.

Who to Ask for Help:

• Trusted Friends or Family: Ask them to role-play and provide constructive feedback.

• Support Workers or Therapists: They can help you practice and identify specific challenges.

• Social Skills Groups: Join local or online autism support groups to practice in a safe environment.

UK-Based Resources:

• National Autistic Society (NAS): Offers advice and programs for social skills. Visit www.autism.org.uk.

• Mind: Provides resources for building confidence in social situations. Visit www.mind.org.uk.

• Local Support Groups: Search your local council.

Use Technology to Help

Apps and Tools:

• Peachy: Practice conversation scenarios and social skills.

• BetterHelp or TalkSpace: Online therapy platforms where you can work on social skills.

• MagnusCards: Provides step-by-step digital guides for social interactions.

Be Kind to Yourself

Social skills take time and practice to develop.

Tips for Self-Compassion:

• Celebrate small wins, like starting a conversation or asking an open-ended question.

• Acknowledge that it’s okay to feel nervous or make mistakes.

• Take breaks when you feel overwhelmed.

Example Conversation Flow

Start with a Greeting:

• "Hi, how are you?"

Use a Conversation Starter:

• "It’s been so sunny lately—have you been able to enjoy it?"

Ask an Open-Ended Question:

• "What’s your favorite thing to do on sunny days?"

Reflect Back or Share Something Related:

• "I love spending time in the park when the weather’s nice—what about you?"

End Politely:

• "It was lovely chatting—I’ll see you around!"

Gradually Expand Your Comfort sone

Start small with brief interactions and work up to longer conversations.

Practice Ideas:

• Start with simple greetings or compliments.

• Gradually add open-ended questions or comments as you feel more confident.

Final Thoughts

By following this guide, practicing regularly, and using the suggested resources, you can build confidence in small talk and make social interactions more comfortable. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support or explore tools to help you along the way.